My conflict of faith…

I’ve just finished reading ‘Wayward: A Memoir of Spiritual Warfare and Sexual Purity,’ by Alice Greczyn. Her journey through childhood to the dissolution of her Christian faith resonated a lot to me. 

Right now, I’m not 100% sure where I’m at. I’d like to think there’s a God, an all-powerful being up there or source of energy and love that we all return to. The more I try to identify ‘God’ though, the more Human he becomes. The more I start to believe he is just the result of a Faith that wanted to believe in something to help them feel safe in this world, and to give meaning to life. 

Us humans always need to have things figured out, and I’ve started to put that down to a survival technique. Sometimes we are best guided when we don’t have the answers and we let things unfold without our interference. Sometimes there are no answers, sometimes it’s just not time to hear them. Sometimes we just need faith or hope, but that doesn’t mean an unexplainable reliance on something that doesn’t fit in with our own individual truth and self. 

There are parts of me that I’ve shut off from. Parts of me that I’ve been made to believe are no good or damaging to others. I’ve told myself that parts of me not good enough. My realisation is that no one is perfect, each interaction is a chance to learn, grow, or connect. Relationships should be cherished but not relied upon for fulfilment or as our ultimate purpose. All things are temporary, everything is moving, shifting. Stillness (and peace) can truly only be found within by letting things fall away from us and through genuine unattached acceptance.

What responsibility do we have? What makes life meaningful for us? What gives each day value and brings us peace or joy? Love and happiness are a desired state.

So, my faith, what do I believe… I’m not quite sure yet. I don’t think Christianity is 100% true, and as tempted as I am to go back to my old beliefs, I don’t think they’re quite right either. I can speak from experience of what I’ve encountered with energy healing, even if it’s just an altered state of consciousness, that itself affects us. Chakras are plausible. I’ve been drawn to meridians lately and these can be proven by science now. How it connects neurologically is still being discovered, but the body is far more intricate than it’s given credit for. How can an ache in my arm be my brain telling me I need to resolve a certain emotional issue? Once we understand that connection, using natural remedies to alter our emotional state to affect our brain and relieve physical symptoms becomes far more logical. Quite simply, helping the mind to relax helps the body release itself from a state of stress, and that means our energy can go back to healing and functioning in a balanced way. No ‘woo-woo’ needs to be involved in this, yet I know the ‘woo-woo’ exists. 

I’ve had messages from Spirit. I can see how Christians think this leads away from God, but if he doesn’t exist (or the version of Him that Christians perceive to be true) then we must be open to the possibility that there is a Spiritual dimension where we can connect and communicate that doesn’t equate to demons. Sure, the principle of polarity means there must be darkness to light, but I don’t think that darkness needs to be feared in the same way. I think our own self responsibility in keeping ourselves emotional well can affect the choices we make in life and is a bigger issue. I’m quite honestly leaning toward the thought that ‘God’ is just an archetype for our own self-consciousness. A philosophical thought that turned into a supernatural being which helped bring order to an ancient civilisation.   

God speaks of justice and forgiveness, two things we seem to look for a lot due to the harsh nature of reality, but both of those things can be achieved without God. Once we realise what we’re seeking we can start to uncover the subconscious trail of why we’re seeking that and bring that into reality ourselves.  

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